Today I finally got the strength to go see a therapist. But nothing went as planned which makes me feel even suckier, and even more depressed. I wasn’t even planning on going anymore when I woke up, I was tired and lately I don’t get tired till 3am or even later which fucks up my ‘all I want to do is sleep’ shit. Anyways, I leave me house around 230 but i had to wait forever int he cashier place to get a metrocard, I call my mum to call the office to see what time they closed, mind you im still in my block and its 3:00pm and she calls back telling me the therapist works form 2-4 which literally gave me no time to even get there and get checked. Then my mum calls again to let me know he only treats people until the age of 17 -____- fuck this shit. Is like every time im trying to do something so help me get better stupid shit happens, so now he recommended me some lady there whom hasn’t picked up my mum calls so she left a message. I really need this therapy shit. I already lost myself and I seriously don’t know how much longer I can take.

Yesterday

Was soooo funny haha. I hanged out with my bbffee Alex and ma nigga Ronni *Ron Dolla$*  haha and it was so cool. Let’s see I was beyond hungry, and me and Ronni were waiting for Alex to come out of the supermarket, and Ron is like “I’ve known you for a year, and I never noticed how big your boobs are”, I was like seriously Ron?! lol. Anywhos, we walked to Harding Park, which was funny well not really but whatever some girl got raped there, and Ronni never been there so he asks me where we going and I’m like “We going to go get raped at Harding right Alex?” and we just start dying (I know its not a funny subject) anyways we get to Harding and is mad hot and me and Ron are like dying of thirst, mind you Alex and Ron are broke and i only had $3 to my name -___-. Alex left cause he had to pick something up and he’s all like “DONT GO TO THE STORE WITHOUT ME”, and I just laugh. So he leaves and I told Ron “Yo we out to da storeeee” so we go laughing along the way, and I buy cheddar fries and Ron gets this cheap ass mandarin orange drink. We drank that shit and got mad sick -___- and we didnt even know what the fuck was a mandarin at that so now we have an inside joke w. that and Alex mexican girls lmaooo nah but it was mad fun and we walked through this weird random trail in the park which was so lonely with a mud swamp and like maddd trees like i never saw so many trees and grass in a park like this -____- but yeah oh Clason Point was mad fun too skipping rocks and trying to kill a horse shoe crab that seriously looks like some prehistoric animal but yeah good ass day :D

Sex, Drugs, & RocknRoll

I wear my heart upon my sleeve

 feel like complete shit!. like beyond crap. im becoming more of an loner day and day, like i don’t show it all but most of the times i just want to lock myself in my room and just not come out. preferably just stay in my bed until i never wake up -__-. like how much can life suck? wait wrong question, cause i sure as hell know it can suck way more than this. and NO im not complaining, just stating the obvious in my life, cause i still know there’s people that are way far worse than me. i need some one to push me. give me a bad influence? ha, rebel agaisnt’t everyone. but i guess i matured, since i feel that’s no way to act now. Fuck im 18, im supposed to be living life and not giving  fuck.